Of all the things I’ve encountered, two things keep standing out to me – men and the way modern psychology has been failing them, and that healthy masculinity seems to be dying a silent and agonising death. Taking a contemporary biopsychosocial look at this issue, I’m slowly developing a hypothesis to explain what’s going on. Biologically, men are different from women; our brains are different, and our bodies are different. These differences are evolutionarily positive and, in fact, essential, but I’m beginning to believe that they are being dismissed or ignored and that it’s taboo to even point out the obvious.
Psychologically, men are different too. We think differently, we feel differently, and we express ourselves differently. Again, these differences have served humanity for millennia, but after taking far too many university courses, I see that psychology is becoming an overly feminised endeavour. Now, admittedly, scientific conversation was once dominated by men, and that also had its failings, but modern psychology, particularly therapy, is often shaped by ways of thinking and expressing that may not align with how many men experience the world.
Finally, sociologically, cultures (particularly Western cultures) have shifted. In many circles, masculinity is the enemy and is wrongly conflated with patriarchal oppression, domination and violence without recognising its healthy form or the need for its healthy form. Boys and men are being left behind, and, as a result, we have a bunch of angry, frustrated, isolated males. Meanwhile, women complain that there aren’t any good men out there, and so we’re seeing the breakdown of the “family unit” and the rise of singledom in what the economist is referring to as the “Great Relationship Recession”.
Healthy masculinity, that is, the set of behaviours and traits that it takes to be a good man, is exemplified and passed on to the next generation by older men. This developmental process has been stymied, and its importance has been dismissed for several generations, and this has left men weakened and unable to meet the needs of society. Young boys are now desperate for connection and guidance, and into this void, role models that occupy the so-called “manosphere” find a willing audience to soak up their ill-informed views of masculinity. Boys – please do not take the red pill!
At the same time, something else was happening. The removal of men from the home meant that women began to take on caretaking responsibilities beyond what healthy development demands. Young boys are now raised in an overly feminised fashion; they go to school with female teachers because to be male and a teacher is now too much of a risk, and social groups, such as Scouts, have been shut down because a few bad actors, who sought their sexual satisfaction in grotesque ways, have spoiled the opportunity for healthy masculine socialisation.
Meanwhile, following the Second World War, economic necessity also moved women into the workplace. Many women began to find purpose and satisfaction in a career (as they rightly should), and so began the great feminist wave that freed women from patriarchal oppression. Young girls are told they can do or be anything they want, and they can! In fact, they are told they should do everything, but the consequences of these expectations are another rabbit hole. Sadly, feminism also degraded the role of women as maternal figures within families, and this shift has led to the word “just” being affixed to any such role (i.e., just a mother, just a housewife). These are not, in any way, shape or form, subordinate or insubstantial roles, but we have made them so.
The other unfortunate subtext of this discourse that young boys hear is “you are not as important as girls”. We know boys are falling behind academically, socially, economically, and psychologically. Our failure to support and encourage our boys as we do our girls is now reaching a zenith. We’ve succeeded in empowering women but haven’t offered boys the same investment, and it shows. We now have strong women but weak men.
Here’s to better men.
Yours in strength and reflection.
Matt
